Peyton runs the mile

I counted laps for Peyton as she ran the mile (28 laps)

There she goes

I took a lap with her. She said, "Mom, I didn't need you to run with me" She doesn't know that I just wanted to have a picture of me running with her.

 

running the half mile

My favorite work out partner Mandy and her daughter Maddie running a lap together. sometimes 4 years olds need a little encouragement (sometimes grown ups like me need it too, which is why I run with Mandy)

Paige telling us that she has 10 laps to go for her half mile

6 laps to go!

 

track meet continued

Brooke and Paige waiting to go up to the track for their half mile

Maddie and Lauren

Lauren during her half mile

Paige and Brooke during the half mile, Brooke did great, considering the track is around the top of the gym and she hates heights!

 

the relay race

Maddie takes her turn around the gym

Brookelyn giving her all

Peyton with the baton

Paige grins for the camera during her turn in the relay
(sorry Lauren, you ran first and I wasn't up there with the camera)

 

Homeschool Track Meet

Nathan is ready to cheer on his sisters and cousins

Peyton and Maddie stretch out before the relay races

the cousins must pose for a quick shot, oh, dear, no Mia Kate in this one

 

In His time...but when??

When I got home from Monday, after being gone most of the weekend, I made a point to read the passages from my "Power of a Praying Wife" calendar. December 10th's entry spoke to me, especially in light of the recent Sunday School class content that I was wrestling with.

God has a time for everything and He works in us what needs to be done to prepare us for what is ahead. Having a sense of God's timing brings the peace to wait on the Lord for it.

Of course, do I have a "sense of God's timing?" I am not even sure how one comes to obtain a "sense of His timing." I know that His timing isn't what I would do, but I can't see the big picture of the final chapter like He can. I don't mind not knowing the outcome, but I really dislike not knowing how long it is going to take to get there. For example, I love to read books. I don't even mind lengthy books. I am rarely tempted to skip to the last chapter and see how it ends. On the rare occasions I have done this, I find very little joy in finishing the book. However, I like to know how long the book is. I like to be able to prepare myself for about how long I will be working on it. My problem with God's timing is that, I don't know how it ends, or when it ends. This definitely takes control away from me. This brings me to a quote that was in my Prasso study tonight. I am finishing up the sections on forgiveness. I was definitely blessed by them, and challenged. But this quote was one that I want to share:

If God is to take control, we must lose control. And, so long as we are in control, we are really out of control. The willingness to lose control of all our circumstances is prerequisite to our finding our identity in the Lord Jesus Christ. The fear of losing control, even though what we are doing is not working, is the greatest fear that any of us faces. The prospect of losing the familiar, even though painful, for that which is unknown can be a frightening prospect.

quoted from Charles R. Solomon, Handbook to Happiness

Girls are great!

Peyton and Paige playing around after Gee Gee's party. They had been to their tumbling class, so they were dressed the part! I am so happy that my girls (usually) play very well together

 

Happy 89th birthday Gee Gee

This is my grandmother Helen "Gee Gee" Guyer
She turned 89 on Monday, and we celebrated with dinner and cake
I am so blessed to have this one remaining grandparent in my life and in the lives of my children. When I was six, I had two grandparents left and one great grandparent left. My girls are blessed with all 4 of their grandparents and 4 great grandparents.

All of "us girls" with Gee Gee's cake

 

Fun at the mall

 

It is getting hot in the furnace....

Ever since Sunday school class yesterday morning, I feel like I have been wrestling with God. At least the Sheila Walsh book I recently finished assured me that it is perfectly ok to work through hard things with God. I guess he appreciates the honestly, especially since He knows where my heart truly is anyway. God has become SO real to me. There have been times when I feel like he is close enough to touch. Then there are times when I am saying, "ok, where are you today?" If I examine my heart at those times, I am probably the one who is slipping away, not him. (ok, not probably, always.) So, if you see me limping, it is most likely because I have a wrestling injury, like Jacob in the Old Testament. (That was Jacob, right??)

In class yesterday, Larry hit me right between the eyes in our continued discussion on Ecclesiastes. The passage we covered had Solomen taking his eyes off God, and as a result, he became very cynical. A trial in his life led to "hating" his life. There are many events in ones life that can lead to a cynical life view. This is definitely something I wish to avoid. We moved to Daniel 3, and discussed the familiar story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These men told the King that 'Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods..." These men were willing to die. They knew God could save them from death. And God's will would be done in their lives. However, that didn't mean that God would choose to spare their lives. Miraculously, God did spare their lives, and he was glorified by his very presence within that furnace.

So, I know that God is keeping me company in the furnace of my adversity. but I don't know what his planned outcome is. And that is what makes me wrestle. I know that I want to serve God, and put Him first, regardless of the cost, and regardless of the earthly benefits reaped. But it still doesn't stop me from wanting to beg God for one specific request to be fulfilled. Can I truly say that this means God takes first place, or do I just have to choose it daily. I believe that God is enough, but I still want to maintain hope in my top priority earthly relationship.

I believe that I may continue to wrestle for a while. I also think that God will honor my sincere desire to believe that He is enough for me. But I also want to continue in fervent prayer for restoration. Most importantly, I want to pray for his restoration with the Lord.

Please pray for me that daily, I will "think, act and do right." That my motives will be pure and come from a desire to glorify God, and not to achieve my own agenda. The bottom line, our time of earth is but a milisecond when compared to an eternity, with or without God. As Larry said in Sunday School, I need to live life with an "eternal perspective" to avoid cynacism.

The following was written and blogged by my good friend and sister in Christ and in Spirit, Charity. I am copying it word for word, because it describes exactly how I am feeling right now. I will pray for Charity, as I know that she prays for me. All four of us good friends from high school have felt much like this over the past months. I am grateful to God that he is turning me into a "big girl Christian" as Charity calls it. We are proud to be "church girls." Please pray for Charity, Sandy, Amanda and Stephanie as we strive to obey our Lord, love our husbands, and raise our children to be first generation Christians. Also pray for us as we depend on God for whatever comes next.

Wandering The Gap
I have found myself in a very odd place these past few months.I'm wandering around in what I like to call "The Gap". Sadly enough, this is not the retail store. This is the waiting place in life that God so often brings you to when He wants to build your faith.I don't like it here. I want to reject it. I'm positive if I had enough time to reason or more resources, I could get myself out of the gap. It's funny, because when I realize that I've been brought there (and it often hits me suddenly) I don't respond too calmly. My pulse starts to race and I begin to wander around in an inward panic until my frustration comes out in some form or another...Like a breakdown of tears or a misplaced argument with someone I care about it.You see, "The Gap" is that place between God's promises and His provision. I know His promises. They are a mere verse away from my knowledge but His provision...How and when He intends to solve my problem-that's a whole different story.

It is here in the gap that you can become a big girl Christian and not a first grader. The humbling may not be your decision but it can yield great results.If you let it.You have to be careful. It is in this gap that Satan tempts you to despair. He desires for you to accuse God that He is not working. I sensed that urging as I opened my mailbox yesterday and immediately whispered a prayer of defensiveness.God stays His hand for what is like a moment compared to eternity and I race to doubt. It seems so natural to wonder if God really cares for you in the gap. If His thoughts are towards you for good. That's the sad realization for me. I tell people nearly every day that God loves them and desires to bless them in obedience and the first visible road sign for the gap and I question His presence and intentions.It is in the gap that you find out who your true friends are. I mean that. Many may say they pray for you or send well wishes but it is those who are willing to come into the gap with you and grab ahold, that you discover a real sister or brother.I know who these people are because while I'm wandering they don't listen to me! I tell them to stay away and I attempt to detach...I become that hermit at my house (pacing and reasoning) and they barge in and drag me out. They call and call and drive me crazy and then they feed me a little cake until I look better to them.(Cake is very effective for Charity..Please feel free to send some!)They remind me of the promises I know and reassure me that they are there until God debuts His unique provision. We choose together to praise in the gap and be thankful for it.It's bittersweet...This gap I'm in. I'm so thankful I'm not alone.

In Prasso today I am continuing my study on forgiveness. I have felt pretty good about how I am handling forgiveness in my life for a while now. I believe that God is showing me that it might get harder, so I need to learn more on the subject. I am fine with that, the lessons are great, and I am looking at scriptural examples of forgiveness that I haven't thought through much before. In Genesis 50, we see the account of Joseph and his brothers after their father, Jacob, had died. Remember, Joseph had been sold into slavery and had suffered in Egypt because his brothers wanted to get rid of him. They had recently been reunited, and Joseph held a high position of authority in Egypt. Joseph could have done many things with his power to have revenge on his brothers. Joseph recoginized that what had happened was part of God's plan. He used his brothers' evil actions to "save the lives of many people." I wrote down this statement that Joseph made to his brothers when they approached him in fear. (Genesis 50:20) As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil.

If we could see what God has for us in every offense we endure from others, forgiveness would become much easier. Jeremiah 29:11-14a For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you, says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.

Do you think the throne is pink?

Paige says, "I will try not to lie and not to have the devil on the throne." Now, I know that my kids are probably parroting me, but what a little preacher! I figure she is picturing a throne like the one in the Princess and the Pauper or something like that. I am not sure if she is completely in the know about what the "throne" truly is! But it definitely blessed me when I was putting them to bed last night. (Not so much half hour later when I had to go quiet them down.)

Brad took them to an Illini girl's basketball game last night, and they came home with obnoxious happy meal toys. They informed me that "daddy said that we could play them all night." I also heard yesterday that "Daddy said we could have coke now." I had "daddy" laughing when I was giving him a hard time about those remarks. Always good to hear Brad laugh, even if it is liable to get the girls in trouble because they are making so much noise WAY after bedtime.

The kids are bummed out today. We were supposed to keep my friend Samantha's twin toddler boys today for the day. They didn't get to come today because they are both sick. Poor babies! Anyway, I guess it is school work and cleaning all day for us! I know that I can't wait!

Ok, I was a bit surprised when my phone rang after 11 pm with an order from my friend Charity (an hour later at her house) that I must read her blog immediately! She had come up with a cute top ten list for an "almost single mom," because her husband is on the road many days and nights right now. You can check it out with the link below.
http://http://inherhemisphere.blogspot.com/2006/12/you-know-you-are-sort-of-single-mom.html
Anyway, I decided I needed my own list, since I could relate to so many of the things on her list. And by the way, the parking lot screaming only happened once.

You might be "an acting" single mom if:

10. Your grocery money lasts twice as long as it used to, and you can carry almost all of the Walmart bags into the house in one trip.

9. Sports Center hasn't been on in your house for over a month.

8. You start playing Polly Pockets computer games with your 6 years old, and actually enjoy it.

7. You stay up until 1 am watching a dumb movie like "Where the Heart is."

6. You are awake to take the phone call when your friend wants you look at her blog late at night.

5. You ask your 6 year olds which shirt looks better before heading out of the house.

4. Cooking dinner consists of throwing the chicken nuggets onto a plate and popping them into the microwave.

3. A dinner out consists of a cheesy diner with your parents.

2. A fun night away from home is spent watching the televised version of "Titanic" at Steph's house and then sleeping on her couch.

1. If snoring wakes you up, it is either your kid, or your mom decided to spend the night.

Ok Steph, you are up next. Tell us how you might know if you are a "basketball widow"

Today's entry on my "Power of a Praying wife" daily calendar.

Praying that your husband's eyes be opened to the truth and his heart convicted will be far more effective that you telling him what to do. You can encourage him to do what's right and pray for him to do what's right, but ultimately it's God's voice that will have the greatest impact.

Pain doesn't kill

I started reading "Feathers from My Nest" by Beth Moore. I love Beth Moore. I can always hear her southern accent speaking when I read her books, and it is soothing. I bought this book a few years ago when I attended a conference where she spoke. I am just starting it again, and I thought it would be a bit lighter that my last book. I guess not. I read this last night, when I was having a "painful moment." Thankfully, today hasn't been like that.

"I have learned that pain doesn't kill...I threw my hands over my heart and fought like a Trojan not to give way to it. God gently pulled my hands away and said, 'My child, go ahead and feel it. The pain will not kill you. It will be a reminder that you are very much alive, engaged, and that you loved with abandon. That was your primary assignment. Your present pain proved you did it.' It was at this moment God spoke a transforming truth into my life: The goal of life is not the absence of pain. It's the presence of glory. God's glory. And sometimes that comes most vividly with pain. Not only have I learned that pain doesn't kill; I have learned that I will never lose or be betrayed by the one thing with absolute power to destroy me-God Himself."

I stumbled upon this this morning...

I know that I had read this before, because it was highlighted in my Bible. But I have been having some feelings of defeat, in the past two days, and this was a huge encouragement from the Lord. I gave my testimony in Sunday School yesterday, and then I started back to my job this weekend. Having to stay with my parents, make arrangements for the girls, and getting less sleep is stressful. It is also stressful to talk with coworkers, who might night understand the stands that I take. There are also temptations at work that I don't have when I am sticking close to home and church. Please pray for me that I will be only dependant of the "everlasting compassion of The Lord my Redeemer."

Isaiah 54:4-8 (New International Version)
4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth

and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—

the LORD Almighty is his name—

the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back

as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—

a wife who married young,

only to be rejected," says your God.
7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you,

but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger

I hid my face from you for a moment,

but with everlasting kindness

I will have compassion on you,"

says the LORD your Redeemer.

This morning I am doing some reading in Proverbs. I am planning to go back to reading the Proverbs of the day. I looked at Proverbs 1 and 2 this morning. The Proverbs are great, they give practical advice, and practical warnings. After reading, I need to finish planning for Sunday School tommorrow. I am going to give my testimony in class. I thought that I knew what to say, until I sat down to type it out! Please pray for me as I finish planning, that I will share what God would have me to share. Also, I go back to work this afternoon after taking several weeks off. As long as the girls are settled ok with my parents while I work, I am pretty comfortable returning. I am praying for a lighter day on the job, so I can get back into the swing of it slowly. But you can't count on that on a Saturday in the ER!

Proverbs 2:3-6

Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding;

If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasure;

Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.

For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

Tenderhearted???

This week in Prasso, I have been studying "Freedom from Anger." Now, the past few months, I have had alot of emphasis on anger, bitterness, forgiveness, and breaking down strongholds. I felt like I had moved past the anger thing. I guess I was wrong. Again. Just when I think God is done teaching me about something, he reminds me that will never done learning about his truths. In the study Monday, I revisited Job. I was again amazed at the way that God showed Himself to Job. In Job 42:5,6 Job finally repented and said that he had "heard of God" but now he was really seeing Him. I want to really see God.

In order to really see God, I must view anger the way that he does and deal with it the way He deals with anger. The Prasso lesson on Tuesday talked about how we often sin in our anger when we have anger over our rights being violated. I can see how this can be a problem in my life. I am seeing that even though I make a decision to forgive, I must continually agree with God about that decision, and watch that I don't develop anger and bitterness. This is especially true when I am forgiving someone who continues to hurt me. This is also made more difficult when I can see pain in my children.

I am learning about "rights." But God tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. This means that we are not our own. I am bought with a price. So when my "rights" are violated, and I am hurt, it is really the Holy Spirit that is hurt. I could insist that the pain is mine, but in Romans 12:1, God asks that we sacrifice our bodies for Him, and that this is reasonable.

I Peter 3:9 teaches that if we bless those who do evil to us, instead of doing evil back, we will be blessed. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us that our speech should be edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers. So I guess "getting even is out." Romans 12:19 tells us that we should not seek revenge, but leave vengeance to Him, he PROMISES to repay those who do evil to us. The next verse I read was the one that really struck me. Proverbs 24:17-18 Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth; Lest the Lord see it, and it displeases Him, and he turneth away his wrath from him. This verse tells me that if I am trying to "get even" with someone, or if I even take pleasure in his trials, then God will turn his wrath away.

Do I want to get in the way of God dealing with someone who is hurting me?? Absolutely not! My reactions and actions toward one that is causing me pain should be loving, forgiving. Romans 12:20-21 teaches us that we should give food and drink to an enemy who is hungry and thirsty. This will "heap coals" on his head.

I got tripped up with Ephesians 4:32. It mentions being tenderhearted. I wanted to say "No God, I can't be tenderhearted, I am just getting to the place where my heart doesn't break every second of every day." How can I be tenderhearted and still protect my heart? God doesn't want me to build up a wall of defense around my heart. If I don't choose to continually forgive, and I try to protect my heart with human coping mechanisms, I will be right back where I started from, and have strongholds of bitterness in my heart.

Even if it hurts, I want to deal with anger and bitterness God's way, every day. God sees that hurt, he has a jar with all my tears. He also has a jar with all the tears of my daughters. I believe that God is working in the life of that person who hurts me. Even if I don't get to see what he is doing, by faith, I know that He is at work. God will be glorified. I believe that God is working in my life in this way to prepare me to deal with the pain that will accompany restoration.

Done decorating the inside of the house

This is my pretend mantle. The little stockings are for the cat and the dog

Peyton and Paige pose by the tree

 

A tree that needed serious work

Last year, Brad and I had the bright idea to not take our tree apart and to keep the lights on it. The only trouble was, getting it into the attic last year, and getting it out of the attic this year was a bit hard on the limbs. This is how it ended up after Brad carried it in the other night.

Paige watches at work begins

Papa, Grammy and Peyton begin the light untangling process

The tree is almost done! Thanks to Papa and Grammy for untangling the lights and putting the tree back together

 

Any lurkers???

Ok, it is nearly midnight. My children are asleep in my bed. (I am still not entirely sure how that happened, hopefully there will be room for me when I show up). I have been asked about my blog so much lately, that I was suspicious that I might have a few extra visitors. SO, if there are any lurkers out there (that is what we used to call them when I used to be on a message board) please post! I want to hear from you, even if it is just "hi, I was here." If there is anyone that wants to get in touch with me (seriously, now), but doesn't wish to post I will leave my email here (scary thought!)

setrn@insightbb.com

And on to another subject, just before I take my tired self off to bed. (yes I know that wasn't a complete sentence, but it was about to be a run-on, so I left it) I was reminded, once again, tonight that I have terrific daughters. They are already two of my best friends, at 6 years old! I have had to talk to them about some tough stuff lately. I have tried to be very honest, but not give more information than they needed to hear. Tonight, I had no choice but to give them a bit more information than I was entirely ready to discuss with them. They are so smart, and sensitive. I very much want to talk to them with God's will and what is eternally valuable in mind. I want to be careful not to talk to them out of my own pain and feelings. The trouble is, they are so darn sensitive to when I am hurting! Anyway, I am blessed to have them in my life. Now I need to go and see if I am blessed to have them in my bed....

Papa's helpers!

My dad has been busy restoring the house next door to is for the last few months. This past Saturday, he had plenty of painting help in the bathroom! I caught Paige and Peyton painting in their newest jeans, so we quickly headed back next door for big t-shirts and older pants. He taught them well, and the bathroom is looking good.

Let God handle unfair circumstances

Ok, so I am burying myself in my Bible study this morning! The next section of Prasso is talking about anger. I read a story about Moses in Numbers 20 about Moses getting water for the people. Moses was angry with the people because of their behavior toward him when they needed water. He spoke to them in anger, and then he struck the rock to get water to come out. Such a small thing, but God rebuked Moses for not demonstrating His holiness. I know that I have often responded wrong and failed to demonstrate God's holiness. Here is another quote from Prasso:

God is not the author of sin. He never condones, causes or excuses sin. However, at times, He does allow His children to experience the consequences of another's sinful actions. Moses took the brunt of the Isrealites' selfish and rebellious actions. The fact that he had experiences harsh treatment...did not excuse his responsibility to trust the sovereignty of God. Although God allows people to act contrary to His will, He promises that nothing will ever happen to you contrary to his will.

"Your greatest difficulty in dealing with anger will be your unwillingness to believe that God's way of handling life's unfair circumstances is the best way."

Obedience and surrender

I was confronted yesterday with my own angry response to circumstances. My anger was my flesh's way of responding, not God's way of responding. I felt like I was in a battle. My motives were correct, and I was trying to be obedient to God and to my authority, but I was still missing something. This morning, I read this quote from my Prasso Bible Study.

Battles are a part of every life.

What we must realize is that the battle itself is not our problem.

Obedience and surrender are our problems.

God does not need me to fight his battle, he just needs me to be obedient. A quote from Oswald Chambers was included in the Prasso lesson, it says that "God does not make us holy in the sense that he makes our character holy. He makes us holy in the sense that He has made us innocent before Him. And then we have to turn that innocence into holy character through the moral choices we make. These choices are continually opposed and hostile to the things of our natural life which have become so deeply entrenched."

My friend Charity is always stressing to me that God wants to make us holy. That He is using our circumstances to accomplish that. When I can rest in that, it is easier to leave the battle to God, and concentrate on obedience and surrender. I recognize that even if I don't see with my eyes and hear with my ears what God is doing, I have to live by faith that God will keep his promises.

The Christmas shopping has begun...

On a lighter note, I actually started to shop for Christmas last night! I went shopping and out to eat with my mother-in-law, Marie. It has been a rough year for her. My father-in-law has been very sick, and her Mother fell and broke her back this past summer. Nevertheless, we had a good time, and we were successful in our shopping. We have had an annual shopping trip since the Christmas of 1990. I can still remember her picking me up from high school and us heading out to shop. I believe the original intent was so that she would be able to buy something for Brad that he would actually wear! It is mostly shopping for all the kids now. There are now six kids in the family to buy for, that is MUCH more fun than buying clothes for a picky teenage boy! Anyway, I am thankful for Marie and the friend and second mother she has been to me since I was a kid.

Blessed to be a Church Girl

Yesterday, I had someone call me a "church girl." It was a meant to be a "slam," but then I can a very kind person tell me that it was really a big complement. He told me how he always wanted his kids and grandkids to be "church kids." He wanted them to love to be at the church and cry when it was time to go home. I grew up going to church, and I continued the habit as I became an adult. However, I am now becoming a "church girl," because I recognize how blessed I am to be part of the church family. I read this Psalm yesterday, and I prayed it to God. Yesterday was a hard day, and it can be easy to take my eyes off God, and focus only on my circumstances. But I have so much more joy, if I can pray a prayer like David's 142'd Psalm, and then leave my "complaints" with Jesus.

Psalm 142
1 I cry aloud to the LORD;

I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.
2 I pour out my complaint before him;

before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,

it is you who know my way.

In the path where I walk

men have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look to my right and see;

no one is concerned for me.

I have no refuge;

no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, O LORD;

I say, "You are my refuge,

my portion in the land of the living."
6 Listen to my cry,

for I am in desperate need;

rescue me from those who pursue me,

for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison,

that I may praise your name.

Then the righteous will gather about me

because of your goodness to me.

A very scary book!

I told my friend Charity that I was reading "Living Fearlessly" by Sheila Walsh. She said to me, which I take to be a complement, that she didn't think I was a fearful person. I agreed, but I still thought that there were many things I could get out of the book. The only problem is, that as I am reading it, I am finding things that maybe I should be afraid of! I am now into another chapter, and I am ready to give another quote. Sheila is writing about how her son, at 2 1/2 totally trusts her, and even if she put him in a scary situation, he still counted on her to help him. (Like a scary carnival ride). Sheila, who has many hurts from her childhood writes this "Christian (her son) feels no need at this point in his life to protect himself from me. I'm there for him. I'm his mommy...that's how I started off too. So why do we change? Adult choices can decimate children. The tragedies of life can pull the rug right out from under their safe trusting feet. Children don't understand death or divorce or parental absence or neglect. They think they must have contributed in some way to ruin this perfect picture of family. At a gut level, what they experience is that nothing is safe anymore. They can't count on anything being forever or being ultimately for their good."

OK, now I am a bit more afraid! I am not saying that I can't learn from this book, but it scares me to think about adult choices (which I can't always do anything about) decimating my children!

It gets worse, read this quote. "This emotional loss may be even harder than losing a parent to death. You have to live with the awareness that your dad or mom could have been with you and chose not to be. We all carry scars into the courts of heaven, and the yes we want to give to God carries a lot of reservations because of who we are and where we've been and what we believe at the very core of our lives. Can we really trust God's direction day by day when some of the paths we've already walked have been strewn with sorrows?"

Ok, I guess it is good that I am continuing to read, because I am going to assume that she is going to answer yes we can really trust God's direction, and tell me just how to go about doing that! I am trusting God that He is teaching and growing me in Him, and that this will ultimately prepare me for the tough job of parenting my girls through this, if this type of loss becomes long term or permanent. I am confident that God knows, God sees and God cares.

Standing on the edge...

I am reading "Living Fearlessly" by Sheila Walsh. I am only two chapters into the book and I am already wanting to quote passages from the book. This is a paragraph from the book that could have come from my heart. "I would not have chosen this path, but I cannot deny that walking it has changed me profoundly. There is something wonderful here, the edges of which I am still just scarcely scratching. There is a whole way of living that is so freeing, but I am still standing on the edge barely glimpsing it. I think I want to totally abandon myself to God, to take that leap of faith, but I'm still standing. Perhaps you are too." She goes on to list reasons why we might be holding back on saying "YES" to God. I believe that each day that I seek God, I come a little closer to taking that leap. To holding out my hands and letting go of what I am trying desperately to hold onto, and taking God by my now empty hands and following him in to the unknown. In Sunday School this morning, we discussed living by faith and not by sight. As people, we operate based on things that we can see, but God wants us to live in light of eternity, by faith. If I can live my life in light of eternity, then it is easy to give up those things that I hold onto, those things that are slipping out of my grasp anyway, and allow God to do His work in His Time. Ecclesiastes 3: 11 He hath made every thing beautiful in His time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

Knowledge, A Hidden Treasure in Christ

Yesterday, I had a discussion with someone who was questioning God's motives for creating people when He knew a large majority of the people would end up in hell. He felt that God wanted to create these little "robots" to do what he wanted. I had been reading in Job about how Job had accused God and been angry with God. Job finally had a man confront him about his attitude toward God. Then God Himself confronted Job. God's attributes and His power are spelled out in Job. Job is asked "can you do any of this?" In other words, "who do you think you are?" That is what I want to ask this person (who I love and sorrow for) "who are you to question God's motives?" When I read Job, and was struck with the reality of who God really is, I was convicted and amazed. At the end, Job was in mourning for his sin, and repentant. God blessed his life richly. My prayer, is that I will daily see God for who he is, no matter what adversity I am living with. And that I will repent when I don't give God his deserved honor and glory and obedience. I am also praying for this other person to come to the end of himself, see God for who He really is, and be repentant and broken before a Holy God.

I was discouraged about how to answer these questions. But God is faithful, and I awoke this morning to be lead to the following verses through my blog's automatic verse. We can only gain understanding of God from God. And we can't let others deceive us with "fine sounding arguments."

Colossians 2:1-7 (New International Version)

1I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally.

2My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ,

3in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

4I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments.

5For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

6So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him,

7rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Thanksgiving

Uncle Brad and his bad knee and foot hold Mia Kate (for the first time) while Daddy Brock
looks on

Amie and Mia

Peyton and Paige with Mia Kate during picture time in their traditional Christmas dresses that Nana gives out at Thanksgiving