Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you WILL perform it until the day of Jesus Christ"

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Time for a new post...Doubt vs faith

Since I haven't posted in 6 months..I think it is time! No cute kid pics right can check out my facebook for nearly 9 month old Reesie keeps me pretty busy, and blogging and sharing pics just hasn't been happening! This has been an eventful summer, and my Ladies Bible Study has been one of the high lights. Last week, we discussed what living with doubt about God's promises can do to your life. This week, we will be discussing the replacement for doubt, which is faith. We have been going through James McDonald's "Lord Change My Attitude." This has been a great book, and I am seeing gradual changes in my life along the way. I was very bothered by part of last week's chapter, and I openly shared with the group that I wasn't sure how I felt about what he was saying. It was clear to me that I didn't think I had a doubting problem..but I did.

I hate to be all over the place with this, but I have to back up a bit. Over 10 years ago, I was blessed with twins. Paige and Peyton were born very small and very early. However, they threatened throughout the pregnancy to be born too early for life, and then again too early for a normal life. God answered the fervent prayers for our family in a positive way. Now not everything went wonderful. They were in the hospital for 9 weeks, there were ups and downs, Paige was very sick and fragile for most of her first 2 months. But we brought them home, and they flourished! Even today, they are wonderful. We still have some physical and emotional scars, as well as a little asthma..but overall healthy (almost) 5th graders! They are a blessing to me and they are two of my best friends. I prayed..everybody prayed..and God gave me the desire of my heart.

When I was going through my divorce, I grew closer to God that ever before. I know that it isn't unusual to grow especially close to God during times of turmoil..that is probably the reason we HAVE turmoil! God took care of me..he took care of Paige and Peyton, but it didn't look at all like I expected it to. It has been hard to trust God, because I doubted that he wanted best for me, or for Paige and Peyton! But wait a I really know what is best for us? So arrogant, wanting to fix everything, make it peaceful for us all. While we as mothers wish to make things the easiest we can and what we think is best, that isn't necessarily what God has in mind for us. Earlier in the summer, our Bible study discussed thankfulness. I learned I need to be thankful for EVERY circumstance..not just the ones that seem to be a blessing. Nothing touches me (or my kids) without God's consent! So what does that say about worry in my life? I guess it is a waste of time.

I learned a verse this week that first thoroughly bothered me, because I didn't believe that God would protect me from harm.I wasn't sure if I could believe it..but then I read it again..
Isaiah 53:17 in NLT (try reading the whole here to read it)
17 But in that coming day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. And everyone who tells lies in court will be brought to justice. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken

So...this morning (if you are still with me) I was cleaning blood off of the carpet in Reese's room (as many know, she has spit up blood in the past, did it most of Sunday, and unfortunately, has been doing it a bit today)...and I was listening to the radio in her room. A segment of encouragement for moms came on that was sponsored by Hearts at Home. They were speaking of worrying about our kids..I can't ever remember the examples, just the verses about how God knows the number of hairs on our heads. Not a new verse to me at all, but in that moment, when I was lost in thought, worrying about my daughter, wondering what to do next about her health issue, I stopped and realized that I needed to try a little more faith and alot less worry, and God has been growing me in this area..sometimes using a 2X4 to my head!

Reese has had a scope, appropriate lab work..and she is SOOO happy and active right now, so it is time to relax, pray about right choices for managing her health, and enjoy my children a little! (of course, we start homeschooling next I will have all kinds of new reasons to worry.) Please pray for Reese and her health, Paige and Peyton as they start 5th grade, at home again with me, James as he continues in the training of his new job, and for me!